Convalescing and learning to enjoy myself

Bad days versus Good days. Which is which? I had already renamed Bad days as Wipeout days but I am trying to take it one further and renaming them again as Brain Healing Days.

I know I am good at handling really tough events (yay to C-PTSD which prepares you for the shit in life!) but I’m not as good at allowing myself into relaxing into enjoying myself, enjoying the small pleasures in life. So I’m reframing my formerly known as “Wipeout days” as Brain Healing Days, as the most lovely, relaxing, sheer pleasure days with the perfect excuse “it’s my brain tumour recovery, I just have these days, I have no control or say in them”

My brain on these days is foggy, my head aches in a low grade uncomfortable way but often I can distract myself from this with easy, practical tasks. I find any thinking or concentrating tasks like emails difficult, there is absolutely no chance of any music practice and actually that works as quite a good red flag going up.

My energy levels are so low it is hard to do anything and the day involves lots of resting, dozing or napping or just staring out of the window.

I need to remind myself that on these days my brain is busy healing and my blood busy remaking itself (I’m very anaemic, just started on big doses of iron).

So my day consists of drinking green tea in the garden and eating healthy small meals. A compulsory lie down in a bedroom, on a lovely fluffy, furry rug and covered in a soft wool blanket. Propped up on cushions, I might just lay for a while looking out of the window over the rooftops at the birds.  Then I assess my energy levels and head aching. I might do some jigsaw, walk round the block, tidy the bedroom floor or repeat the lie down. Maybe I can cope with a gentle Qi Gong class round the corner? And so on……..

These days are not awful, they are perfectly nice and once I have got over my frustration and irritation of putting my life on hold, there isn’t a problem. I always know what triggers them, any large amounts of social contact, noise, lights and stressful hospital appointments on previous days.

Relaaaax.

Enjoy those healing days.