Surgeons, neurologists and confusion over what is what.

I’ve had so much to think about, trying to make sense of myself.

So much to say, where to begin?  Basically nothing has happened tumour wise, this has all been me just waiting, waiting, waiting, for time to pass till my operation.

I’ve now had contact with both surgeons and neurologists, both with their own different responses. The surgeons are interested in cutting the tumour out, symptoms that mean emergency responses, and shove in tablets for anything else. The neurologist was more interested in subtleties and symptoms, not keen on labels such as “epileptic” unless really necessary.

During this time I have had to deal with my own physical and mental responses to all this and I feel I have been in a huge tumble dryer with all my previous perceptions and take on things tumbled upside down, everything to be reassessed, everything reevaluated.

I have HUGE fatigue issues which have wiped me out from leading my old life. My brain (cognition, thinking) at time functions like normal, at others it goes into shut down. I need to rest, stare out of the window, a lot of the time sleep, as though I’m passing out with exhaustion.

Other symptoms: Constant headaches. Some nausea. Food cravings. Dizziness. Shakiness. Intense fear / anxiety. Rash on my face.

What causes what? Are these my old issues I have always dealt with? Exacerbated by stress?

At the end of the day does it actually matter? I have very little control over the causes, the only thing I can do is handle stuff.

The key is ACCEPTANCE of the SLOW LANE. Don’t try to push things too much. Take frequent rests.

I’m not 100% there but at least I have a working idea. I actually over do it virtually every day but at least as I pass out in bed AGAIN, I know I should have stopped sooner.