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Follow up

My plan for my follow up blog was to report on how I really enjoyed my holiday, useful insights into my anxiety etc etc, but I’m still struggling with covid symptoms! Not struggling, struggling, I know not to complain when people have had it so much worse, but 3 weeks on I am not back to normal and am still experiencing post-viral symptoms. In detail, I am still blocked up and have a dry cough which I really try not to get started as it is hard to stop. The blocked up sinuses give me a heavy head which makes it hard to focus and concentrate and I can get overwhelming tiredness come on out of the blue. It tends to fluctuate, I have a couple of days of feeling almost back to normal followed by a couple with a resurgence of symptoms.

I’m trying to be accepting but at times I feel incredibly frustrated and annoyed. I need to remember that some people have had it so much worse and I should be grateful……

I wrote this yesterday and then I carried on trying to reorganise my studio (always a symbolic gesture when I start a new phase, creatively) and I suddenly remembered my sketchbooks. Over the years I have created collages in sketchbooks which are very idiosynchratic, not beautiful or amazing but the act of working on them is the whole point. And I start the work with cutting / tearing and sticking in of papers. It doesn’t require the conscious thinking part of my brain at all. There is no clever planning or intelligent, focused thinking. I just do it. And I haven’t done any for absolutely ages!

It is the perfect occupation for my below par self.

It is of course the Octopus part of me that gets involved. No verbal input, just patterns, colours and shapes. A good time to reconnect with that primitive part of myself.

So I’m standing in a tip of a studio, drawers pulled out, stuff all over the floor, glue on my fingers and feel unwell but happy.

And another day later….I’m back in my studio with a poorly day resurgence. Chills, brain fog (can’t practice the piano), fatigue. I’ll continue with the cutting and sticking, or at least have a go, here is just a random picture of my studio. Working on acceptance and patience!

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