• spillustrate

Giving and Receiving

Updated: May 18

[Before I get onto the main post, my migraines follow a familiar pattern,

the week after I have recurrent minor episodes of nausea and unwellness and headache. Usually they pass off fairly quickly and I can either ignore them or take half an hour time out.]


Bit too cute

Maybe this is better?

Xmas had flagged up for me my whole difficulty with giving and receiving gifts but my coursework this week brought home to me my general difficulties with asking for help and receiving it. My default coping mechanism is to withdraw into my private world, self reliant (and hence not let down by anyone). Part of my Assignment has been to get critique about my work from a group other than my tutor. I emailed people I knew in the same field, some of whom are friends, some course mates I don’t know at all. I sweated buckets sending off the emails, felt good for about half an hour and then felt extremly anxious about replies!

It was a lose-lose situation! If I got no replies, that meant personal rejection and “no mates” whatsoever. If I got replies, they will criticise my work and that will make me want to cry!!

I had a similar experience with my piano teacher, he was away for 3 lessons over the xmas period, I worked hard at the work he set me, there was only ONE acceptable response for me in the next lesson, unconditional praise which I would brush off. Instead, I got his usual stuff, comments on how to improve my playing, correction of mistakes that I had made, reinterpretation of how I should be playing a piece (with drama rather than very gently). That is his job as teacher!!! I still felt tearful inside.

I’ve copied and pasted the 3 replies I’ve had so far onto a separate document. (It is under 24 hours since I sent my emails, 3 longish replies is actually great). So I can’t see the people’s names.

I can’t bring myself to look at them yet, I’m just coming to terms with them not being just “wow! you’re so amazing!” but actually pointing out stuff.

I know the next stage of this from tutor reports. I skim through them and pick out any negative remarks on areas I’m unsure of myself and then magnify them hugely. When a month later, I actually read it properly I sometimes find that a comment in context can mean something quite different.

Another thing my piano teacher often comments on is how I make life more difficult for myself than is necessary. Yes, I can see that going on here!!

I think the equivalent here is giving birth to a little baby and showing it to the outside world. There is only one acceptable response “how lovely”. But here you are actually asking people to tell you “is the outfit right? does that vest suit them? should I wipe that snot off their nose?”

Stop being so precious!!! Read the damn things….

Well I have read them and it’s fine. Sort of. Everyone hates critique right? It’s not just me.

I’m working on changes now. For example, I thought the cat face I was using was a bit too cute and someone mentioned that, so that was a no-brainer, so I need to deal with it......


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