Fibromyalgia? A good thing?

I am hard at work at the moment trying to reach a deadline in May. I want to finish Zine 7 before I go away for a few days at the end of the month. It is an arbitrary decision but it is helping me push it forward when it has been all too easy to just sit on it.

As I come to an end with my Zine I am having to resolve my parental issues in order to place them. I am in a really good place at the moment. I feel generally at peace, comfortable with myself. This is going to sound weird but accompanying that have been some random emotional and physical symptoms. What has been happening is waves of terror / fear coming on, especially in the morning, along with discomfort in my jaw. Pulses of aching sensations, moving around my lower face. For a while I have wondered if this is a version of fibromyalgia, just to give it a name? I see this as a POSITIVE thing though, not a disorder or a medical condition, but a healing process. I see this as deeply rooted fear and tension from my childhood, resurfacing,  a form of release, a letting go.

I feel very positive about my jaw discomfort. Any chance to get rid of some of my hyper vigilant body tension I am happy to experience. It is mildly annoying but doesn’t stop me doing anything. The sensations of terror if anything is worse as it is a deeply unpleasant feeling (like I’m in danger, bad stuff is about to happen) but I try and sit with it, holding on to the idea of being chicken licken, thinking  “the sky is falling on my head” and I know it will pass. Just getting out of bed and on with the day, helps!

Back to my Zine and having used the Cluedo analogy with trying to work out what happened in my life, in my final zine I am using a visual inspired by the design of the monopoly board instead.