I’ve not particularly wanted to write about the Queen’s death but it’s become almost the elephant in the room now, it seems crazy to ignore it. It has been a funny old time. I should state clearly that I am a republican and think the royal family is highly dysfunctional, trapped in their gilded cage of pageantry and convention, but I’ve still found myself sad, emotional even tearful, by the coverage of the preparations for the funeral. It’s a weird time, I’ve found the emotions in me similar to the sadness of a respected but distant grandma dying, the logical, rational part of me thinks it is overblown by the media, ramped up with endless coverage…… and my eyes fill with tears as I watch the progression of the cortege.
The change of monarchy has made me reflect on the changes going on in my life. In one of Pema Chodron’s books she talks about our desire for certainty, everything staying fixed and stable (I’m paraphrasing her here) but that a more aware way of being is to recognise how there is nothing fixed and stable, the ground beneath our feet is constantly shifting and that it is ultimately more helpful to accept the discomfort of being continually unsure, about ourselves, our viewpoints, our place in life.
So what is changing for me? I’m getting ready to hand in my final pieces for my course. I’ve been doing this on-line part time course for over 12 years. It has overseen my transition from fine art, through graphic design and illustration to my final (loose) identity as comic book artist. Those are all boxes which society (and myself) have used to provide some kind of handle on myself as a creative person. I’m sad to say goodbye but REALLY ready to leave, finding the admin, using the course website etc, really tedious.
At the same time I’m embarking on the journey of seeking out a new piano. Would I call myself “a pianist”? Not at all! But I would definitely call myself a creative person who is learning to express themselves musically as well as visually.
Thirdly, we will be going on holiday some time fairly soon. I struggle with holidays, like Xmas, birthdays and gifts, they are occasions which I am “meant to enjoy” but I find a huge source of anxiety and stress. Over the past few years I have worked hard at viewing these events in a more positive light, but they are all works in progress. Covid gave me the perfect excuse to not go away, now, 3 years down the line, I’m forced to do so again!
So I’m embarking on new ground ahead, and yes it is very uncomfortable. I’m channeling Pema (my role model) here and trying to be comfortable with my discomfort.
The image for this week is a potential version for the Vixen cover. I actually went with a slightly different colour scheme in the end but I still liked this one.
Our magazine is still not out yet, 2 weeks late as our delivery guy takes unreliability to a new high!