• spillustrate

I'm back, plus Fear

Updated: May 18



That was a tough week. I’m so self conscious, making an audio tape presentation to hand in for my coursework was a killer. Not to mention all the technical challenges of matching it with 20 images and describing where I was up to….

So glad I finally made it though, after moaning to anyone that foolishly asked how I was! One of my family has done voice overs and after talking to them I got over myself and saw it as doing a voiceover, acting a role and that made it easier. Dare I say it, I even enjoyed it by the end.

Now I’ve taken time off from jumping through course hoops and gone back to building my 3D model. It has been good to mindlessly fiddle while listening to podcasts.

On another note, I am becoming very aware of how I am dominated by fear. Fear about the course deadline, fear I can’t draw the image right, make the model right, and that fear is so pervasive. I wake up with it at night, I wake up with it in the morning. I know it is a phase and that the flip side of that is confidence, I’m just documenting it here, for my own records I guess, it’s been going on since early December, it’s a good motivator but it is also exhausting and draining.

So what am I saying here? I guess that what I need is balance, use the fear to push myself forward, not allow it to hold myself back and block me working.

And in the middle of the night? I need to remind myself I am safe in the moment.

What is the model I’m building? it is my version of my Gran’s art deco bathroom with it’s black mirrored walls. It was in keeping with the 1930’s house but not with my grandparents who were the opposite of stylish, fashionable or bold interior statements! I guess it was a relic from when the house was built along with the servant bells that were no longer in use. But as a child it blew your mind going in there!


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