(I meant to post this last week but got caught up in other stuff and forgot, better late than never)
It makes me laugh that I happily said “no migraine yet!” in my last post and the very next day I had an absolute cracker! My head felt like it was going to explode, I was vomiting, I had the light aura. But actually the day after I found myself feeling very positive. Part of that was huge relief it was over, it was horrible while it lasted but it was only for a day and the next day I had less of a hangover type effect than usual. Another factor in my positivity was that usually my migrainous episodes are not so well blown and I am left wondering, do I actually have migraine or is it just a useful medical label, am I medicalising myself / hypochondriacal? Well this one had all the bells and whistles, right down to the vomiting of undigested food (despite it being several hours since I ate).
Another good thing. Although the pain was EXCRUCIATING (compared to labour pains at a 10/10, it was a 7 or 8) I tried relaxing into the pain, dissacociating from it and then sleeping to block it out. It started at around midday and by the evening I still had a bad headache but was able to walk around and speak. So I was pleased that I had handled bad pain (no choice, but whatever). I did actually take paracetomol but the tablets reappeared fairly soon after! And several hours later, it eased. I feel incredibly lucky to have a condition that peaks then passes.
Having been aware that a migraine was already likely, I knew what the final trigger was, that tipped me into it. I had had a difficult experience previously with my hairdresser. She has been cutting my hair for years and we are good friends. I just let her style it however she wants, I trust her judgement. She is obviously neurdiverse (ADHD) and very creative and cuts instinctively. This is not a hairdresser I want to change! Anyway she was really difficult last time I saw her, not hairwise, personality wise. So much so that I had felt so upset when she left I had cancelled my next appointment, but then after a few weeks rebooked, still uncertain of what to do. So I was very anxious about my next hair cut but the minute she arrived I could see that she was regretting the way she had been. It turned out her family had also complained about her behavior. We talked it out, I didn’t specifically mention my experience, I kept to her family’s comments, but I think we both knew she was sort of apologising and I was sort of telling her how awful she had been.
It is always stress release that sets off a lurking migraine. I was hugely relieved I can back off from looking for a new hairdresser, it would have found it very hard to return to a salon after years of getting my hair cut at home and we have become very good friends over the years, shared a lot of stuff.
My hairdresser and I are very different from the outside, she is LOUD, at her most comfortable in a crowd, expert at razor sharp repartee. However there are hidden, strong similarities between us. We both protect our vulnerabilities with anger, a defensive strategy acquired as a child, but out of place in an adult. Anger is a useful energy to lift your mood out of despair but the key as an adult is to recognise it and face the vulnerability instead.