It’s been a funny old week as I had my annual pre christmas meltdown. The good news is that I used to have this in October so early December is a big improvement!
I have had mixed feelings about xmas for a long time, I know I am not the only person to feel this way but us xmas dislikers have to keep quiet about it, so as not to spoil everyone else’s fun.
I’m learning to like it more and I have actually enjoyed the last 4 years, I just need to remind myself that christmas is ok so I don’t have to get in a state of dread beforehand. I’ve recognised that the Queen’s speech is a trigger for me (nothing to do with the Queen herself, just her voice sends me straight back to my childhood self) so I can avoid that quite easily. The other bit which is especially difficult is the whole present opening ritual. This is almost impossible to avoid and can go on a very long time. Gift giving and receiving are not one of the five “love languages” I use (the three I use are; spending time with, tactile and spoken) so it is all “lose-lose” for me, coupled with surprises make me very anxious, so even if you have got me the perfect surprise present, I will only appreciate it after I’ve got over the anxiety of opening it!
I need to think up strategies to help me get through it. One of those is to buy myself something nice (just something little) and I leave it in it’s wrapper till christmas day when I can open it. That way I know I’m getting something I like on the day.
Things that I DO like about christmas:
making my own cards
a nice advent calendar (not chocolate!!)
learning and singing carols on the piano
going for walks with family
an old film on the TV and a cosy fire
walking round dark streets in the early evening and looking in lighted house windows.