Last weekend was an intense family visit, full on. And do you know what, I didn’t do badly! Actually as a team, my husband and I did ok too!
It is good to think that things are moving forward, we are handling things better, rather than just finding it hard.
There was a LOT of stress running within the visiting family. I think we were both supportive without going under. The most powerful personality within the family has powerful needs. A good metaphor here is quick sand. You think you are having a pleasant walk on the beach but suddenly you start to feel yourself struggling and before you know it you are sinking into treacherous sands. On this occasion we both managed not to get too drawn into the banter which turns to bullying (everyone laughing except the one person being targeted). On this occasion the “banter” was like grapeshot, it was fired off in every direction so it was very clearly not personal, easy to see it originating from a single source. It was like being in Succession, one powerful person sounding off and everyone trying not to get hit! I was glad that my husband and I both did not just kow tow to it, we are neither of us articulate enough to fire back repartee, but my husband actually said “enough” at one point, which was a line in the sand for both of us.
In addition, my ingrained response to overt distress (Fix! Fix! Fix!) was drawn in a bit but not too much, it’s a fine balance, we care but we are onlookers, not rescuers.
I’m now waiting for my post stress migraine...hasn’t arrived yet, so that is encouraging too.