The big clear out makes me think about getting rid of stuff in general. I like Marie Kondo’s ideas and in the past read a book on Swedish death cleaning. I’m donating some pads of paper and art books to a local school, I’m glad not to just dispose of them.
I’m at a stage of life where I want to stop accumulating things and instead want to get rid of surplus stuff. I want to simplify and stream line my life. Finishing the OCA degree has been a watershed moment, it is time for a new version of myself to take over / emerge.
One new thing I’m hoping will be travelling a bit more, no longer as constrained by a schedule of work needing doing, for the OCA. Of course I will have to get over my huge anxieties around travelling! We already have 2 trips booked for the next year and potentially a big trip planned for 2024, all of which I have been "forced" into doing because of external circumstances, so I shall be challenging myself with those.
Another new thing is I’ve accidentally joined a box fit class. I went with one of my offspring and then went back the next week. I’ve invested in some gloves although I’m still unsure, it is very intense physically. One thing that has kept me going back is the thought that punching is a good place to maybe channel some of my internal anger. I'm aware that anger has been a very useful energy over the years, it has lifted me out of sadness, but maybe it's course has run, maybe it needs channeling away from people (or thoughts about people) and burning off in physical actions?? I'll see how it goes......
A third thought, which has been quite an uncomfortable one.....I can see parallels between myself and Prince Harry! Never saw that one coming! Like him, I am producing a book about my childhood which many in my family see as inappropriate / wrong / me as damaged / mentally unstable etc etc. Unlike him, I’m not working on a Netflix series and media interviews! I do however share his longing / desire that other members of the family could look at themselves and maybe do some healing too, rather than closing that door in themselves. But of course, that is their perogative and actually, not my business. My only path in this is to be true to myself and my own version, which of course, is different to theirs.
My studio is now very clean and tidy and neat......but I can’t remember where I’ve put anything and I need to start work and recreate the chaos. The image this week is one I created many years ago, I found it in my clear out. It was based on seeing the state of the floor in one of my children’s rooms. They still live in this sort of chaos and I am recognising how they are a more extreme version of me and my own chaotic self is part of my work process.